Heybabeimwearingurpanties
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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