Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
