thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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