You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
