do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
