it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize