Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
