wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
