I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
