my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
