I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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