I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
