What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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