TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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