hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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