I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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