I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize