Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize