he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
