It's Friday. Sex?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
