Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I party with great urgency now.
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