I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
