I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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