my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Alive.
So much puke
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
