Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
