Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
