The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
