remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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