The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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