highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
