your thong is hanging out like whoa
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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