apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
