i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
