the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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