I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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