Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera

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(941): View more from Florida

i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head

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(512): View more from Texas

If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.

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(954): View more from Florida

Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.

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(419): View more from Ohio

It was like getting head from an anaconda

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.

(1-910): View more from North Carolina

Next. Level. Shit.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.

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