we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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