I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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