I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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