problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
