someone threw a dead crab at me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
nutella sex= disaster
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
