i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my shit smells like andre
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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