Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well you can't waste a boner
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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