The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
