hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
