A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
