hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize