She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
