Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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