Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
