It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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