I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
