My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
