Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
