party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
