just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
