it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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