Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
