now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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