so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
