Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
