I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
