i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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