i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
