alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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