I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
