Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
