How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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