the condom got lost in my hair
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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