I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
