I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
